I’m not talking about little disappointments here, like Starbucks just sold the last lemon cake right out from under you or you killed yourself at the gym and the scale doesn’t reflect that. I mean the big ones, like you didn’t get the job you were going for or your best friend is moving across the country. How does one maneuver around a boulder that has been plopped down in the road? There are a few things I find that help that aren’t totally self-destructive.

(Note I am reminding myself of these because I just recently had a big disappointment that I am trying to get over and need some motivation. I hope it helps you too.)

1. Allow yourself a “fuck it all” attitude for a few days. This is perfectly reasonable when you’ve had a big disappointment. Wallow in it, swim, until your fingers get all pruney, but for the love of God, don’t unpack there and set up house. You do have to regroup and move on, but allow yourself a few days indulgence to be immature.
2. Do something nice for yourself. For me it’s getting a manicure or allowing extra time on the couch to read something and ignoring the laundry. Again, find something that is indulgent without being destructive, like not eating that gallon of ice cream and watching a guilty pleasure movie instead. For me, that would be something like Clueless or The Craft. Although I think a little ice cream is okay too. Especially mocha java chip, if you’re offering.
3. Exercise. Okay, you can tell me to get bent on this one if you want, I understand. But when you’re frustrated, there is something very cathartic about wearing yourself out at the gym. I put some crunching rock on my playlist and give it everything I’ve got. This, by the way, also helps you sleep at night instead of lying there in bed and going over what you could have done to prevent the disappointment from happening. (Ask me how I know.)

And through it all, tell yourself to keep going. Giving up is an option, of course, but it isn’t a very fulfilling one. Getting used to disappointment just leaves you settling for less, and that’s never a good place to be. Doing the nice things for yourself helps you turn around your attitude and get you back on track. Because that is the ultimate goal after all. There are shitty parts to life. The trick is to deal with them in a constructive way to get back to where you need to be.

But (a little) ice cream doesn’t hurt.